My feelings for you are as your feelings for me
by Phony
Summary: How and what happen after they're together. Shiznat. chapter 4 updated after 6 years. Relationship starts out small, but it stays bonded with a big determination.
1. Chapter 1 we're still friends right?

I got forced to write something like this. D:

I have no experience or knowledge with relationship things  
Plus I'm more "stupider" than NatsukiDDD: gets whack by Natsuki

But, thank you to those who click in and read this

Please note the fact that English isn't my first language, and also note the fact that I'm not good at my first language too. And third language XD

Feel free to throw anything at me, if reading this burns your eyes badly.  
But please don't hit my legs; I still want to grow D:

* * *

_Chapter one _

_We're still friends right?_

It's 11:00pm.

I stare at those "lovebirds" hugging each other (more like Mikoto is the one doing all the hugging) sleeping

The last time I saw her was two hours ago.

How come I can't stop thinking about her? 

Nothing really changed after the HiME festival. We had a karaoke party at the student council to celebrate the forever gone HiMEs festival but it's more like a karaoke for Mai herself since she never let go the microphone.

Shizuru, Nao, Yukino and Haruka sat down and talk to each other for at least half of an hour. At first Nao and Yukino weren't really comfortable talking about, but with Shizuru's apologize (a serious one) and later with Haruka's "roaring" and then later came some teasing from Shizuru. Eventually things went well between those four.

I never let go Shizuru's hand while they were talking.

Although it's quit weird when I was there, because this wouldn't of happen if I didn't did what I did. To be honest, I feel like the whole thing was my fault.

If I realize Shizuru's feelings towards me, Shizuru would of did this?

If I didn't said "that word" which hurt Shizuru's feeling, which also made her lost herself, Shizuru wouldn't of defeated Yukino's chlid, and killed Haruka.

If I didn't lost trust towards mother, and let Nao caught me off guard, Shizuru wouldn't of came to save me, and defeated Nao's chlid. Nao's mother wouldn't have died.

But,

Shizuru toke all the blame.

She asked for forgiveness, when I'm the one that should be asking.

After the party I walk with her to her house.

"Natuski?"

"Hmm?"

She looked at me for a moment.

" We're still friends right?"

I could see sadness in her red eyes, but it only stayed for a few seconds.

"Baka, of course"

I place my right hand on her head, and move it around to mess her hair up.

"Don't you start thinking about weird stuff now"

"Ara, ara"  
We stop at her house.

" Thank you, Natsuki"

She give me a hug and that same smile I've looking at for the past few years.

" No problem." I give her a smile and hug her back.

She smile back and shut the door

...I was kind of hoping that she ask me to stay over

I can't help to feel a bit of disappointed.

"I feel weird today…"

Ignoring that feeling, I turn around and start walking towards Mai's dorm.

I should go get a new bike.

* * *

A/N: The next chapter will be longer...I hope MUHAHAHA!!gets whack 

And why isn't spacing working meeeeruns away crying


	2. Chapter 2 More than a friend

volk83: I've updated XD

Shiznat: Thanks for supporting w I got the next chapter done XD

shiznats: REALLY:O!? THANKS! But, but what's IM DDD:

ALEXISSA2: As long as I'm writing, Natsuki is going take more than "first step" muhahha

lostinafeeling: Thanks XD I know Natsuki is smart what I mean for the "I'm stupider" thing, I was talking about relationship type of things XD Since Natsuki doesn't have much experience with those kind of thing, I assume she's a beginner XD Like me haha, sorry for the misunderstanding bows

kikyo4ever: Of course she will do "something" muhaha Shizuru is the type that hides everything inside type of person, therefore instead of just "talking and finding" what's in her mind, Natsuki have to "do something" that can "know" what she is really thinking

pekopeko: Thank you for waiting, chapter two is here XD

A/N: So, chapter two is here…same rule, if you hate it or it burns your eyes really badly, please feel free to beat me up but remember no hitting legs D:  
I think I kind of moved too fast in this chapter , but then I don't like to move their relationship "too slow" sooo...D:

Please say hurray for perverted ShizuruXD

Chapter two  
_" I want to be more than just friends."_

After saying goodbye to Natsuki, I quickly shut the door.

If I stayed there any longer,

...I would have lost control.

"Natsuki..."

"At least we're still friends..."

Friends. I used to love this word very much after since I've became her friend.

But, now...it has become a word that I wish I've never heard in my life.

* * *

"FUJINO!!"

"Hai?"

"Stop drinking your damn tea, and concentrate on THE MEETING!"

"Ara, but I am concentrating"

"NO YOU'RE NOT! For the past minutes, all you did was drinking tea and "Ara ara"-ing throughout the meeting. As the current Fuuka academy student council president, it is your responsibility to─"

The sound of the bell ring, which declared the day is over.

"Ara, ara it seems like its time for me to go, I guess we'll have the meeting next time. Now, if you'll excuse me."

With that Shizuru left the student council room.

5, 4, 2, 1...

"FUJINO SHIZURU!!"

0...

Everyday, (unless there isn't a meeting) five seconds after 4 o'clock, you can hear Suzushiro Haruka's loud roaring almost everywhere around the Fuuka academy.

It has become those everyday-thing, which you're so used to it hearing it. When you hear it, you commend on her roaring, (so far, it has always been a perfect score of 5/5) and move on.

As Shizuru step out the student council room, the dark blue hair girl is standing right beside the left side of the door.

"Not concentrating again?"

"How can I concentrate when I have a date with Natsuki?"

As Shizuru expected, Natsuki's face turned deep red and yell "baka!"

Aww, I never get tire seeing her like this.

"Should we go eat then?"

"Well, I was kind of thinking going over to your house, I need help with some of my homework."

I feel like my heart stopped for a moment, of course I try not to show any change in front of her.

"Let me go get my bag in my class, then we'll go."

"Ok, I'll wait for you outside."

Usually when Natsuki come over to my dorm for studying, or she needs help with homework, she always sleepover.

This isn't good.

I slowly put all the textbooks that I need in my bag.

I remember last time when she slept over, because she had an exam the day after, so we did a lot of studying until to 12 o'clock in the morning, so I told her to sleepover.

That was a long night.

Because she didn't bring a change of clothes for her to sleep in, so I lend one of my robes.

There is only one bed in my dorm, so we slept on the same bed (at first she was complaining and wouldn't let go of the couch's armrest, but then she got use to sleeping on the same bed with me, since I kept lying on top of her whenever she wants to sleep on the couch.)

Natsuki has a habit of rolling around and grabbing something as she was sleeping.

Because of that,

Her robe was loosened.

And she was hugging me the whole night.

I tried really hard to control myself that night.

Natsuki looked so tasty and cute that day...

As I flashback the details of that night,

Blood was dripping down from my nose.

"Ara, ara, I better stop thinking about it."

I wrap the blood off the table and my nose and walk out of the classroom.

It's going to be a long night I thought.

* * *

"Does Natsuki get it now?"

"Yeah, thanks, you're way better than those old annoying teachers, Shizuru."

"Hm, maybe Natsuki start paying attention in class, in stead of daydreaming about mayonnaises."

I tap her forehead with my pencil.

" Mayonnaises are a hundred times better than listening to them talking all class..."  
She response with her mouth shape like "3"(as in something like " T3T")

"Ara, I was hoping Natsuki would think about me and not Mayonnaises, Natsuki is so mean."

"W-why would bee thinking about you during class, it would make me distracted."

"So Natsuki does think about me, I'm so happy"

I rub my head against her shoulder, ara, her face is as red as the tomato I have over there on the counter, or even more red than that. Maybe I should stop before her head explore.

I stop rubbing her, and let go her arm.

"What does Natsuki want for dinner?"

She murmur something like "baka" and say

"Anything would be fine."

"Ok, I'll go get dinner ready."

"Wait..."

As I was getting up, she grab my arm and pull me back down.

"Natsuki?"

"Shizuru..."

She look at me with those same green eyes I've been looking at for years, but with more tenderness inside  
Natsuki pull me towards her, and hug her tightly.

"Shizuru," she whisper in my ear, I could feel my ears heating up.

"Last time you asked me if we're still friends or not, although I already told you  
the answer, but I want to change it."

She pull me back, and look at me straight into my eyes.

"Yes, we're still friends, but... 

I want to be more than just friends"

She places her arms on my shoulder and pull close to her.

Before I know what to response,

She kiss me on right on the lip.

* * *

A/N: So I fixed it a little...I typed this when I was in half awake mode, I apologize for not re-reading and checking it over. Well, I never really like to re-read my own workXD Like on my social studies test, I got 51/63 because one of the question said "write TWO paragraph..." and I only wrote ONEEEEEEE...(cries)Anyway, chapter 3 is going to be about how Natsuki discover her feelings and yeah, I hope it would be longer than this chapter 


	3. Chapter 3 I don't deserver your love

glowie: Thank you for supporting XD Natsuki is going to make another "big" move muhaha

shiznats: yahoo messenger…noooo I don't have one DDDDD:  
Natsuki is going to make another "big" step keep your eyes open XD

volk83: I'm going to try and make each chapter longer and longer  
Hmmm..it's going to be romantic AND erotic XD? How does that sound?

Hoppy-Chan: Thanks for telling me the mistakes w hugs

renny-chan: Thanks for supporting XD I like the ara araing too XD but I only like it when Shizuru says it XDD

pekopeko: THANK YOU!!!hugs I'm so happy TwT I like Haruka too XD Her personality is really awesome XD

toyatometesu: I've updated XD

ALEXISSA2: HIGH FIVE! I like the perverted Shizuru too XD

Shiznat: Going to explain things in chapter three so XD Natsuki is going to take more "action" XDDD

LucifaelsBride: Oh oh XD?

Hm, this one toke me longer than expected (well I got lazy soXD) also kind of got stuck too hahah…but I blame some of the fanfics I read on Shiznat are just like….Soooo sadddd cries People should stop writing those type T-T actually not SO painful T-T I think I talk (type) too much in beginning…don't kill me because of it D: Please say hurray for Akane and KazuyaXD

───────────────────────────────────────────────────  
_  
Chapter three  
"I don't deserver you're love."  
_

Damn it, seriously, why can't I stop thinking about her.

I couldn't even sleep last night because of that woman.

"DAMN IT!"

"Sor-sorry, d-did I do something wrong, Kuga san TT?"

"...Huh?"

I look up, chairs, desk, blackboard, and textbooks...

Oh yeah, I'm still in class.

"Nothing, continue."

"Ok-okay."

After apologizing to the teacher, I focus back (more like just "looking" at it) on my textbook.

"It's all her fault..."

──────────────────Poor sensei XD───────────────────────

Ignoring the bell that already rang since the next class have started. I make my walk towards my bike deciding one class for today will be good enough. I reach in my right pocket for my bike keys and grab my helmet.

_"Natsuki, because I'm gradating soon, there won't be someone that can cover your number days of attendances. So promise me that you will at least attend four classes a day from now on. Please?" _

"...I'll just wonder around the school and wait till next class to start..."

Putting back my helmet, I turn around and start walking left, making my way to the hill down on the left side of the forest. On my way towards the hill, I spotted someone not too far from me.

"Akane and Kazuya? Hm, they don't seem like the type that skips class."

Not wanting to bug them, I continue to make my way to the hill.

"Akane chan…are you sure we should be skipping?"

"Gomene... Kazu Kun, but I can't stop thinking about you, not after what happened. I don't want be separate from you, not even a second. I'm scare that I'll loss you again.

I stop.

Kazuya pull Akane towards him.

"Don't worry Akane chan; I'm not going anywhere, not without you. The HiME battle is already over, you don't need to fight anymore, and you don't have worry about losing me. I'm right here."

"Kazu kun..."

I continue to walk towards the hill, but in stead of going to the hill, I walk towards the school building.

"Can't stop thinking about you, and don't want be separate..."

Isn't that what I've been feeling?

I can't stop thinking about Shizuru; I always want to be with her.

That's what Akane feel towards Kazuya too...clearly; it's not a feeling that you feel towards a friend.

Does this mean I feel the way Shizuru wish that I did?

"Crystal Arena..."

One of the poplar places in Fuka academy. That is because there is a legend behind this place.

"If you write the name of the person you like on the ribbon, and tie it on. You will be with that person you like"

Looking at all the different colors ribbons, I wonder if Shizuru tied one on too.

Purple. It should be a purple ribbon.

I untie all the purple ribbons, and start to look for my name.

"Ah, found it."

I pull the purple ribbon that is between two white ribbons down, and hold it tight into my hand.

It says:

'玖我なつき'

Shizuru has a really neat writing, a writing that stands out among the others.

"Shizuru..."

_" But, I can't have the feeling that you wish I did." _

At that time I said it without thinking.  


"Even then, I'm happy that you loved me."

I was scared of what Shizuru did to me that night.

But, I was scared of "her, and what she did."

I was scared because I felt like I didn't know who she was at that time.

When I first met Shizuru, I was really happy that someone spent so much effort on wanting to become friends with me, and also cared about me that much.

I never told her that ever since I know her, I always feel excited when I attend school because I get to see her.

"Maybe, I actually like her, more than a friend before we even became friends."

_  
" but I can't stop thinking about you,"_

I've thinking about her during the HiME till now.

_" I don't want be separate from you," _

I want to always be with her.

I want to stay by her side; I don't want to be separate from her.

I want to hug her,

I want her...and...

...Wait.

Did I just say I "want" Shizuru?

Damn it, I feel like my face is burning.

Wait, wait... okay...

You would want to hug a friend, and always be with her.

But, you wouldn't "want" her.

That means...

"I like no, love Shizuru…"

"KUGA NATSUK YOU BAKA!!!!!!!!!"

BANG!

I smash my head against the wall.

Pull my cell phone out, and start dialing Shizuru's number.

Wait, she has class now...and then she has a meeting later.

While rubbing my hand on my forehead, and star typing message on my cell phone.

"Meet you after your meeting"

And sent.

Okay, so I'm meeting her after her meeting.

How should I confess to her though?

Hm, I should ask her to help me with homework, so that we can head over to her house and we'll be alone.

But, still...how am I going to confess to her...

...Damn it...

_"We're still friends right?"_

Ah.

I know what to say...

I smiled, and tied back the purple ribbon.

Just wait a bit longer Shizuru.

───────────────────GoNatsuki!!───────────────────────────

"I need to go get my text books."

"Okay, I'll wait for you outside."

Okay, okay calm down Kuga Natsuki. Damn it my heart is beating like crazy.

I reach into my pocket, and pull out a piece of paper.

"So I do have to follow her line..." I murmur

"Hm? Something wrong Natsuki?"

"N-Nothing, let's go."

─────────────────────At Shizuru's────────────────────────

"What does Natsuki want for dinner?"

Ahh! Damn that woman, now she just made my heart beating more faster...

"Anything would be fine."

I manage to respond without fainting.

"Ok, I'll go get dinner ready."

"Wait..."

I quickly grab her arm and pull Shizuru back down.

"Natsuki?"

Ok, here goes...

"Shizuru..."

I pull her towards me, and hug her tightly.

"Shizuru," I whisper in her ear.

"Last time you asked me if we're still friends or not, although I already told you

the answer, but I want to change it."

I pull me back, and look at her into her eyes.

"Yes, we're still friends, but...

I want to be more than just friends"

I place my arms on her shoulder and pull close to me.

And kiss her.

Just like last time we kissed, she was shocked by my action.

"Sorry for letting waiting all there years. I'm sure, really sure that, my feelings for you are as your feelings for me Shizuru."

"Natsuki..."

"Did you hit your head or something? Or do you have a fever?"

"Shizuru! I'm being serious! I've thinking about you a lot lately. I can't even stop thinking about you, you're always in my mind!"

I hug her again.

"Listen, I, Kuga Natsuki love you Fujino Shizuru."

She gently push me back.

"Natski...I'm really happy to hear you saying this to me. I've always dream and wish that one day you can return my feeling..."

"But, I don't deserver you're love."

"Shizuru, I told you, the past is the past you don't have to worry about it ."

"No, Natsuki."

She shook her head.

"You know how much blood I have on my hands? You know what I did to you that nig ─"

"STOP!"

I cover her mouth with my left and pat her head with my right hand.

"Let me carry your sins with you then. Blood can be wash away and be forgiven as long as someone forgives you."

"Shizuru, I already forgive you for what you've done, put the past aside, and if you have nightmares of what happened ──"

I hold her hand.

"I'm right here Shizuru."

"Natsuki..."

"An-and, for that night..."

I place my hands on her red tie (I think it's can be call a tie)

And loosen it.

Damn it my hand is shaking. And damn it! I can't stop blushing.

"I know what you did to me that night... so, how about we make it even? What I mean by make it even is that I get to do what you did to me that night. In another words, you have to agree that..."

I unzip her jacket.

"I can make love to you."

* * *

A/N: YAY! LONG CHAPTER!! Ok, I'm really tired so I fast re-read it  
If there are mistakes, please tell me and I'll change it...  
Ok now, bedddddddddddddd 


	4. Chapter 4 We can skip ahead right?

Chapter Four

We can always skip ahead right?

* * *

Shizuru froze. Or, terrify is a better word to described her current expression. Did I do something wrong? Am I supposed to ki-kiss her first?  
Or perhaps hug her? Crap, crap, I should have thought this thoroughly before I did anything. It's okay, Kuga Natsuki. Breathe breathe.  
Take a deep breat-darn, I always knew but Shizuru has nice cleavage. Wait, wait! Now is NOT the time to think about it.

"Shiruzu, are you okay? Should I, um, I mean, did I do something wrong?"

Shiruzu bit her lips and slowly pulled my hand away from her jacket. She held my hand and hugged me. She hugged me gently.  
So gentle that it felt like she was treating a fragment object.I can smell the flavor of her green tea shampoo.  
I'm surprise that such thing even exist. Just how much does this woman like green tea?

I can feel her warm cheek pressed against mine. Her cheeks are so hot.

"Natsuki, Natsuki." She held me tightly as buried her face into my shoulder. I embraced her back and gently stroke her back. Maybe she is too nervous? I shouldn't have dropped that bomb? I probably should have bought some dating guides beforehand. Or asked Mai for her opinion? "Natsuki." Shizuru  
called out my name again. She slowly backed away from the embrace and looked into my eyes. She took a deep breath before she continued.  
I looked back at her without letting her leave my embrace.

"I…I've done horrible things. I can do awful things for my own selfishness. I am very blessed to have met and fell in love with you Natsuki. I should have treated this relationship with more respect and more…immaculately." She paused and looked away from me. "You are a very kind and beautiful girl, Natsuki." She smiled and held onto my hands. "You have a bright future and friends who will be there for you, even if I am not there with you." She gently kissed my right hand. No, no. Don't continue. I know where this is going. No.

"Natsuki, thank you giving me a chance. However I can't accept your love. I don't deserve it." She smiled and let out of my hands, and slowly rose up.  
No. No. You come back here right now.I pulled her back down and pitched her face with both of my hands as hard as I can.

"Ow, . Narugi." She complained and lightly tapped my hands wanting me to let go.  
I stopped pitching her but cupped my hands on her face, forcing her to look right at me.

'I am not taking any rejection. None. You can't say no to me. You love me and I love you back. That's final. My future includes having you next to me by my side." I pulled her in for a kiss. "We are starting again together. Your mistakes are my responsibility." Before she has the chance to say anything, I pitched  
her noses and continued. "If you truly feel sorry for what you have done, you will listen to me. Yes? " Although she wanted to say something, she nodded  
and looked back at me with a determined look.

"I was probably wrong asking you to do um, _that_ with me so bluntly. But I think…you deserve a chance. We were all reborn because we were given a chance. And I will not lose someone who I love again. Never. You deserve my love because I say so. Although I am a stupid and stubborn person, I want you to stay by my side for the rest of my life." I finished my confession and held onto her hands tightly. Not giving her a chance to loosen the contact.

After a short moment (which seemed like forever) of silence. Shizuru laughed. "Ara ara, first you confessed to me and now you're proposing to me.  
My Natsuki sure have grown so much." She said with a blush on her face. "Thank you, Natsuki. Yes, I do wish to be by your side."  
Tears start to fall down her cheeks as she finished.

Pro-prose?! Well, um. OH GOD DID I JUST PROPOSED TO HER? Well, I did say I want her by my side for the rest of my life…

"Whatever! You said yes. We're dating, or engaged, or whatever!" I yelled out and I can definitely feel all my face on fire right now.  
Shizuru laughed. Although tears were coming out her eyes, I have never seen her laughing so happily. She looked very beautiful. 

Maybe I should get us a ring.

* * *

Author's note:

An update after 6 years. Wow, time sure files. I was 16 when I first wrote this, and now I am 22 years old. I apologize to those who are waiting, and thank you to those who commented. No, I did not forget about this as I receive an e-mail from fanfiction every time when someone comments. I stopped because I don't think I was mature enough to fully express the relationship between Natsuki and Shizuru (I'm still not mature enough though). I may not be a big of a fan of those two as I was back then, but I still wish the best for them.

Many new animes had come out over the years and created new pairings since Mai-Hime. ShizNat pairing may not be as popular as back then, but love doesn't faint away that easy.

Again, a big thank you to all of you. Let me know for any mistakes.


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